Holiday Grief: Getting Selfish in the Season of Giving

As the Holiday season moves into full swing, I would like to encourage you to give yourself the following gift:  A little dose of Selfishness.

We tend to recoil at the word “selfish.”  It’s a term typically reserved for serious breaches of social etiquette, such as when your sister-in-law fails to mention you during her speech at your wedding, or when your co-worker disappears every time the boss needs someone to work late.  The concept itself therefore tends to get a pretty bad wrap.

But when we are experiencing Grief, selfishness is an essential part of healing and survival.  This is especially true during the holiday season.  As we know all too well, this is a time when our pain is skyrocketing to new, excruciating heights while simultaneously social pressures to perform and participate are hitting peak levels of the year.  And worst of all, there is the perpetual threat that Grief will show up unannounced and uninvited at any event we go to, like an obnoxious, intoxicated ex-boyfriend who crashes the party and sends us running to the washroom, humiliated and sobbing uncontrollably.

Giving ourselves permission to be selfish can help us to create more realistic expectations of ourselves, set better boundaries with others and to be kinder to ourselves when we are navigating this hostile, unpredictable land of loss.

I’ve put together this video to share with you a few more thoughts and tips on grief and selfishness.  I’d also love to hear from you about how you’ve managed to make your own needs a priority during grief and how this may have helped you.  Tell me what has worked for you or not worked for you in the comments below.  Thanks & Take Care.  April