As you know, I’ve been offering a live Q & A for baby loss moms and dads on periscope. Recently someone asked about how to celebrate their little lost one on the anniversary of their birth and passing and I wanted to further explore that idea here because I think it touches on something really important that we can all relate to.
I love the use of the word “celebrate” in this context and here’s why: When we lose a baby, the celebrations of their life are replaced with condolences. Opportunities to publicly recognize the beauty of our child’s existence become eclipsed by grief, tragedy and discomfort. And while at times it seems there are very few places where we can fully express the darkness of our grief, I would argue there is even less space for the light, for the love.
This is one more thing that is taken from us when we lose our babies.
Grief denies access to the joy we experienced over our child, no matter how brief or bittersweet. We don’t get to marvel over the fact that we became mothers, or that our babies existed. Whether in utero or in our arms, our babies existed and they brought magic and wonder to our lives. But there are no celebrations for that. Instead, we are left alone to try to covet the delicate fragments of beauty that no one else sees but us. Often our grief becomes the only tangible outlet for our love.
The loss of my daughter was a tragedy that I will never be able to adequately describe with words. But I do not ever wish that her brief and beautiful little life had not intersected with mine. I will always be her mother and for that I am grateful. And that is the part of our experience of motherhood that becomes truly invisible.
So I invite you to celebrate your little lost one on the dates that mean something to you. Their due date. The day they were born. The day they left this world. Decide on the dates that are important to you and do something in their honour. I’ve included a few ideas how in the video below. You can also check out how I last celebrated my little one’s last birthday with random acts of kindness.
And I would love to hear how you have celebrated your little lost one, or your plans for doing so. So tell me some of your ideas in the comments below. And if you like this post, I would be grateful if you shared it with someone else who may enjoy it as well. Thanks so much.
Love & Light,